i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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