The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
