just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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