You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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