david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
