These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
