well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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