and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
