five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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