I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
