I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
