It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
