The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize