'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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