I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
don't judge my taste in strippers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
