I wish I could punch you in the face.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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