3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
