I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
