he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
