phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
