I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
