It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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