She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
