i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
