Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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