Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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