Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize