She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
either way he was missing a nipple.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
