Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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