I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize