just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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