ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
