Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
