Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
