Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize