you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just pee around me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
