I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
