Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
