if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
