just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize