Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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