I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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