Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
