Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
