dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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