it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
