You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
