he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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