Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
