That's when you crack a 10am beer
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
