I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
