Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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