Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
