She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
