if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
