They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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