Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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