I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
