If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
