Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
