I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
