No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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