Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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