i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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