Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
