Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
love makes seman taste better
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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