My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
