so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
