i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize