party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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