So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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