If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
