So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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