Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
