I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
