eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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