let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize