I want to walk on stilts...naked
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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