saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
