Swine flu. Run for my life!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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