once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
