Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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