at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
