It's Friday. Sex?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
