Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
