True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
