He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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