She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
