i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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