so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
