Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
