So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Drunk is not a location!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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