her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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