dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
