I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
