escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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